dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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