just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
