hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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