Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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