I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
