I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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