everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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