we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
