I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize