sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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