Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you will always have a special place in my vag
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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