Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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