if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The best revenge is premature balding
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
