I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
