why do cheetos always look like penises
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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