finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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