His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
