I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
