Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize