so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
