I can tuck mytits in my pants
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
