If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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