theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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