Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
