The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
