Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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