So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
