I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
