Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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