Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
