That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
