Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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