Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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