You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
