No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
