You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
