I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
