I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
