Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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