Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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