Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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