Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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