I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
