I'm drive I can fine osifer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
