Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
