she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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