i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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