How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
