I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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