eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize