I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
