I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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