you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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