If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
