I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
