Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
