One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i will never coherently bang her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
