Acid is not a monday night drug
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
