Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
