I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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