Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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