Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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