Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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