i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
